Day 159

Day 159 – Tue 7 Feb – I opened my eyes after an hour or so sleep to see Phoebe quite chirpy and lively sitting up caked in dry blood. She’d pulled out the Cannula but didn’t seem in the least perturbed. Claire arrived and Jess gave me a lift back to pick up our car. I had a couple of admin things and I’d been craving a full English since about 2am, so stopped in at the ever reliable Hanwell Café. I slept all afternoon and was around with the kids for tea. Daphne put them to bed while I came back in to Chelsea and Westminster. I listened to a remarkable sermon on the way in by Tim Keller on suffering from 1 Peter – 1 thing not to do in your suffering – Don’t give up on God, 3 things to do in your suffering – Look back to the cross, Look ahead  to the living hope of the resurrection, Look into the gospel. It is a magnificent sermon, there’s no hwyl, he quotes far too many philosophers, it’s professorial, he’s not really witty or crafted. I can’t really explain why it was so good but is brilliant and so helpful.

Claire had been with Phoebe all day and so I took over to let her go home. They’ve given up on Cannulas and so are now feeding by a tube which was pretty distressing to watch being put in and I’m not sure she’ll keep that down. I worked on Jonah 3 and read Calvin. Her chest is very rattly and they have some more concerns so I doubt very much she’ll get out tomorrow. She finally conked out at about 2.30. She was worse during the night.

God is good in that I’ve been quicker in my sermon prep this week so I don’t feel it is hanging over me or any stress about church things. There are just times which are a cocktail of tiredness/ anxiety/ a feeling that this is unfair but in the main we’re aware that God gives more grace when the burdens grow greater.

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